When I am forced to text I have to admit that I am very "old school". I use full sentences, correct grammar and punctuation. I avoid txt spk like the plague. I loathe text speak. It is a virtual manifestation of teenage grunting and the last thing I want to be exposed to or, for that matter, be expected to respond to. If TP grunts at me I ask for elaboration and reply in my usual conversational manner ... I do not lower my communicational abilities to his level and grunt in response.
At the moment I have a couple of items being auctioned on eBay so was delighted and enthralled to receive this enquiry in respect of my auction for a pine table and four chairs ...
hi hv u gt a bye it nw thanks
This grunting idiot had managed to piss me off with the use of nine words. Now I am using words in its broadest definition as, personally, I would only recognise hi, bye, it and thanks as actual words. I also need to state now that "bye" has no bloody place in that sentence. I also need to point out that I am using sentence in the broadest sense of the word, as the string of characters lacks the capital letters, punctuation and a number of key vowels and consonants that would ordinarily be needed.
I decided that the best response to this prospective bidder was to give a reply that was far closer to a pass mark in an English Language examination. I went with this ...
Good Evening [name removed to protect the fuck wit], Thank you for you inquiry but I have to reply in the negative as my preference is to let the auction run its full course.
I wish you the best of luck if you do decide to place a bid or two.
I was hoping that this would encourage, nay challenge, the illiterate to put a little more effort in to their scrawlings. I was sorely mistaken as, shortly afterwards I was sent the following ...
aw so enit u gt a price in mind
I took a few moments to control my ire and decided that I would be wasting my time by setting an example and moving on to direct insults*** would only result in my eBay account being blocked. There was only one thing I could do ... resort to sarcasm ...
Hello again [name removed to protect the fuck wit],
I have to be honest and say that I would like to get enough from this auction to retire to the South of France. I estimate that £12 million should be adequate to fund that fantasy.
However reality intrudes and I have to acknowledge that you, or anyone for that matter, is not going to bid that much for my table so, as I said in my previous message, I'll let the auction run its course and see what I get.
Good Luck if you decide to bid.
Funnily enough he has not come back to me and there are still no bids.
---* if you are going to gossip, grab a coffee, get face to face and have a proper character assassination session. A bitchy text is half arsed at best.
** ... eventually
*** I demonstrated extreme self restraint when I didn't respond with u r a cnt